Smarter than a fifth-grader?

Hey, smarty-pants!
Show those wise guys how clever you are at the Adult Spelling Bee, this weekend at the Arroyo Grande Valley Harvest Festival.
No, it’s not a contest for spelling words commonly used in pornography and Playboy.
The Adult Spelling Bee pits teams of three adults against each other in a contest familiar to fans of the documentary “Spellbound.”
Here’s how it works: The Pronouncer, Gary Thompson, will say a word, define the word and use it in a sentence, and then pronounce the word again.
Each team will have 30 seconds to write that word on a board. They’ll be eliminated if they misspell two words, continue to write after time is called or try to change their answer.
Teams that make it to the Champion Round can compete for the chance to donate 30 percent of the funds raised by the event to the charity of their choice.
The Adult Spelling Bee takes place at 4 p.m. Saturday at the Rotary Bandstand in the Arroyo Grande Village. Registration is $100 per team.
For more information, call Curtis Reinhardt at 773-4173.

***

Not much for book-learnin’?
Lucky for you, the festival lets men (and some ladies) flaunt their facial hair at Saturday’s Whiskerino Contest.
This year’s categories are: Longest Sideburns, Longest Mustache, Longest Beard and Longest Whiskers on a Pet. Prizes include gift certificates for auto detailing and Branch Street Deli.
The contest starts at 1 p.m. Saturday at Branch Street Deli, 203 East Branch St. in Arroyo Grande. Call John at 489-9099 for more details.

-- Sarah L.

Yuks, chuckles and guffaws in Morro Bay

Get ready for a funny weekend.
Standup comic Dan Grueter, a regular on radio’s nationally syndicated “The Bob and Tom Show,” plays four separate shows Friday and Saturday at Bob Zany’s Comedy Outlet in Morro Bay.
Grueter recently finished a pilot for NBC, “Be Careful What You Wish For.”
The Ohio native has also appeared on “The Late, Late Show” on CBS, “Comic View” on BET, and “National Lampoon’s Funny Money” on GSN (formerly the Game Show Network).
On his Web site, Grueter describes his comedy style as quick and clean. “By the end of his show, you’ll feel like you’ve know him your whole life,” the site said.
He’s joined on stage by Natasha Leggero, best known for her recurring roles on Comedy Central’s “Reno 911!” and the Fox sitcom “’Til Death.”
The host of MTV’s “The ’70s House,” Leggero has also appeared on “The Late Late Show,” Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and NBC’s “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

***

Grueter and his fellow comedian perform at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., Friday and Saturday, at Bob Zany’s Comedy Outlet. It’s upstairs at the Embarcadero Grill, 801 Embarcadero in Morro Bay.
For more information, call 772-0716 or visit www.bobzany.com.

Get your band name here (w/help from the Bard)

The local band Still Time got me thinking about band names again.

Okay, truth is, I’m always thinking about band names – it’s just part of who I am. The great thinkers of the world consider ways to end poverty, spread peace and discover cures for diseases.

I think up band names.

When I interviewed Still Time, which just changed its name from The New Longview (read the story if you need more on that), my obsession with band names once again festered.

I’d previously written about band names for Ticket. And I once talked about band names during an interview with Dave Barry, who responded to one of my moniker ideas with a rather succinct: “Nah -- sucks.”

But I’ve gotten better at this, which I think merits another discussion of band names. You local band guys and gals without a name are going to appreciate me for this blog entry. Because after today, you will no longer be nameless. Your identity will forever be forged with a brand new name that could bring you the fame and fortune that has long alluded you.

But first a few things:

For one, I hate band names – especially long ones -- that are inside jokes or obscure references. What does Jimmy Eat World refer to? Or how about My Chemical Romance? Death Cab for Cutie just plain annoys me every time I hear it.

Sorry, dudes -- those are terrible band names.

Secondly, the name has to match the genre. Contrary to the name of their band, Eagles of Death Metal are not a death metal band at all, which is just the first of many flaws with this band’s moniker.

A good source for names – are you listening, nameless bands? – comes from idioms. According to Wikipedia, an idiom is an expression whose meaning can’t be deduced from the literal definitions and the arrangement of its parts, but refers instead to a figurative meaning that is known only through common use.

To which I say: “Huh?”

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to make sense. Just check out this list of idioms, and you’ll find potential names like Bad Egg, Belly Up and Comfort Zone. Shakespeare is supposedly credited for some 2,000 idioms, and it’s always cool to have a band name inspired by Shakespeare, so try especially hard for a Bard idiom.

Heck, Bard Idiom could almost be a band name.

Cliches are also good for band names. So names like All Ears, Bait and Switch and Slippery Slope could derive from common phrases and expressions. But clichés might be better for album titles. Consider “All In a Day’s Work,” “Sink or Swim” or “Back From the Dead” for your future Grammy winner.

Some bands also get their names from other artist’s songs. Jet supposedly comes from the Wings song of the same name. And the local band Virgil Cane gets its name from a character in a famous song by the Band (“The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down”), though many younger music fans just assume there’s a local dude named Virgil Cane.

Finally – and most importantly perhaps, your band name has to be original. This is where The New Longview ran into trouble because there’s already an established band named The Longview. So on the advice of attorneys, New Longview became old news.

I’m hoping my band names won’t suffer the same fate. But I’ll look them up between now and a future blog entry and let you know what my research found. Until then, here are My Top 10 Band Names That Don’t Suck*:

10. Lindbergh Babies. I thought of this one while features writer Sarah Linn was looking up stuff on the famous aviator and his kidnapped child. I think it’d be great for a punk band. One concern, though: Is it still too soon?

9. Circle the Drain. When someone is spiraling, we say they’re circling the drain. I don’t know – it could a good name for an emo band since they’re emotionally frail. I figure they could open for -- bonus band names here -- Basket Case or Cuckoo’s Nest.

8. General Malaise. On the one hand, it’s a clinical diagnosis. On the other hand, it sounds like some military dude. Isn’t that great? General malaise is defined as an “out of sorts” feeling, which I figure would be good for a metal band.

7. Big Fish. Well, there was the book and movie of the same title, but that’s okay. This could be a tribute band, except then it’d have to be Big Phish.

6. Alter Ego. After an intermission, the band has to change outfits, don wigs and play a different genre of music.

5. Chin Music. I have a great album concept for this one: The band’s first album cover would feature the band members posing with their chins upside down, with little faces painted on them. The faces would look like each band member.

4. Pillow Talk. This is described as the conversation a couple has after they, uh . . . well, you know. When a mommy and daddy really love each other? You catch my drift. Anyway, I’m thinking this would work for a synth-pop Euro band or maybe an all-girl act.

3. Goofy Foot. A goofy foot is someone who rides a surf board with their right foot out in front. So this would work great for a surf band.

2. Occam’s Razor. This goes back to William Ockham, the influential nominalist (how much do nominalists make, by the way?) from the 14th Century. Occam’s Razor is a principle which holds that "entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily." Remember – it doesn’t have to make sense; it just has to sound cool.

1. Mobb Rule. A while back, I officially announced to friends and co-workers that I’d finally found my hip-hop moniker. Now I can join the 50 Cent-Kanye West smackdown.

Okay, there you go. Now I’m going to see if anyone else had these bright ideas. In the meantime, you can check here to see what Jimmy Eat World, My Chemical Romance and Death Cab for Cutie refer to. Turns out, the stories behind their names are pretty interesting.**

* For the most part.

** But I’m pretty sure Dave Barry would agree – they still suck.

--Pat P.

TV fall season: Our take on "Chuck," "Heroes" & "Journeyman"

For me, the start of the fall television season is a little like Christmas.

After weeks of glossy ads and antipicipation, viewers can finally tear off the shiny wrapping and discover our new treasures. Did we really get that rocket launcher? Or another pack of sweat socks?

I glued myself to the couch Monday night to watch three of NBC's offerings this fall: two newcomers ("Chuck" and "Journeyman") and one returning favorite ("Heroes").

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

"Chuck"

Shy tech support dude Chuck is too nerdy to pick up women and too stuck on his college girlfriend to start over. So when he scores a date with stunning blonde Sarah, things seem to be looking up.

Right? Wrong. Turns out that Sarah is a CIA agent, and she's after thousands of government secrets locked in Chuck's noggin.

NBC crowded the airwaves with pre-season advertising, so some of the best gags -- Sarah doing a deadly dance, a skater crowing "Computer emergency" as Chuck's car tumbles over stairs -- seem blah.

Still there are a few chuckles, such as the name of Chuck's employer, Buy More, and references to the Nerd Herd (a send-up of the real-life Geek Squad).

Nerd alert: As Chuck, star Zachary Levi is too suave and well-groomed to be convincing as a hard-core geek. That honor goes to buddy Morgan (Josh Gomez), who resembles Seth Green with a few more pounds and facial hair.


"Heroes"

Folks who caught NBC's sci-fi drama last season will find storylines and special effects a-plenty as "Heroes" returns. Right off the bat, the show spins off seven or eight sub-plots and introduces a few new characters.

Here's a brief rundown:

Matt, now divorced and recovering from four gunshot wounds, has adopted little Molly, whose nightmares identify a new threat.

Hiro is in feudal Japan, discovering surprising things about his hero Takezo Kensei (such as the fact he looks more like Paul Bettany than Ken Watanabe).

While Nathan mourns for his brother, the Bennnets start a new life in California. Someone's trying to kill Sulu. Oh, and there's a gal with deadly powers in Central America.

A few scenes in the "Heroes" season opener struck my fellow viewer as silly. As a dedicated fan, however, I found plenty to like.


"Journeyman"

Commercials made this time-travel thriller look like a cheesy mash-up between "Back to the Future" and "Zodiac." Thank goodness "Journeyman" -- terrible title, by the way -- is actually watchable.

Dan Vassar is a San Franscisco newspaperman with an all-but-perfect life: a beautiful wife, an adoring son. At the same time, there are whispers of an uphappy past.

Suddenly, Dan finds himself slipping back in time for hours at a time. He encounters familiar faces and, almost immediately, breaks the cardinal rule of time travel: Don't alter the past.

Is there a reason for these trips in the slipstream? Is Dan on some unknown mission? The show has enough potentional, despite some goofy plot twists, to keep viewers wondering for a little while longer.

Half the fun may be identifying the clothes and gadgets dug up by the show's Dumpster-diving propmaster. ("Look at those shoulderpads!" "Did you see the size of that cell phone?!?")

****

OTHER NOTES:

What housing crisis?
Sure, the housing market is soft right now. But could lower interest rates explain why NBC's characters live in luxury on piddling salaries?
- Chuck and his sister live in a Los Angeles apartment complex fit for starlets. I initially mistook the lush garden courtyard for the back patio of a restaurant.
- My fellow viewer identified the Bennets' new home on "Heroes" as the set of "Runaway Bride." Not bad for an assistant manager at Copy Kingdom.
- And "Journeyman" Dan comes home to a flawlessly restored Victorian in San Francisco with a huge yard. Because, if you can't afford a house by the Bay, what can you afford?

PLUS: Watching three pilot shows on the same network, one absorbs more than one's fair share of commercials.
I understand NBC's need to make a buck. But is it really necessary to air the SAME car commercial THREE times in a row during one so-called break?
The only product that campaign convinced me to buy is Tivo.

-- Sarah L.

("Heroes" photo courtesy of NBC/Universal)

Sliced ears and underwear -- favorite music/movie pairings

Among the many things I liked about the movie “Superbad” was the music.

On the one hand, funk songs by Curtis Mayfield, Jean Knight and Bootsy Collins might not seem to match a film about geeky white kids trying to score before going to college. And yet at the same time it was just oh-so right.

You see, music used in film doesn’t necessarily have to match the scene thematically. It just has to, well . . . to work.

In fact, at times it seems the best pairings are the ones that make the least sense. Take, for instance, the use of the silly Surfin' Birds to coincide with battle scenes in “Full Metal Jacket.” It works because of the irony – what the character Joker in that movie would call “the dichotomy of man.”


Such pairings create memorable movie moments. Can you ever hear “Stuck in the Middle” by Steelers Wheel without seeing Mr. Blonde cut off that guy’s ear (Warning: that's a bloody clip.) in “Reservoir Dogs”?

This all comes to mind because I just saw this
site about the top 77 song moments in film. But I’ve always felt the pairing of music and film is an art few have mastered.

Quentin Tarantino, of course, is the grand pooh-bah of this art form. His use of surf music in “Pulp Fiction” is legendary – and an inspiration to all future film makers willing to spend a little extra money to license previously recorded music.

Martin Scorsese also nailed it in “Goodfellas.” Two songs in particular – Harry Nilsson’s “Jump Into the Fire” and Eric Clapton’s “Layla” – provided the perfect soundtrack to scenes depicting mob chaos, life on the run and corpses.

When done right, the pairing of music and film makes both the song and the scene cool. (“Snatch” would be a good example here.) On the other hand, association with bad music can ruin everything.

“Titanic” was actually a pretty good movie. But every time I think of it, I can’t get my mind around that horrible Celine Dion song.

Ugh.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite music/movie moments:

• “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”/”Twist and Shout,” the Beatles – After seeing this, I went out and bought my first Beatles record, the beginning of a long love affair with the Fab Four.
• “Midnight Cowboy”/“Everybody’s Talkin’,” Harry Nilsson. I also loved how “Borat” copied this famous walking in the city scene.
• “Apocalypse Now”/ “The End,” the Doors. The opening scene to the movie, where napalm is choreographed to psychedelic 60s rock.
• “Rocky”/”Gonna Fly Now,” Bill Conti. After seeing Rocky work out to this
instrumental classic, I almost wanted to enter the ring myself. Then I thought about that time Ali got his jaw broken and decided to stick with Wiffle Ball.
• “Risky Business”/Old Time Rock and Roll, Bob Seger. The good ole days -- before Seger was washed up and before Tom Cruise was nutty. Could have been an ad for Hanes underwear.

If you have a favorite movie/music scene, drop a line.

--Pat P.

Summer's last musical breath

Summer officially comes to a close this weekend, ushering a season of cooler weather and waning light.
Fortunately, for lovers of the season, there’s one last chance to bask in the summer sun.
Arroyo Grande’s summer concert series wraps up on Sunday afternoon with a concert featuring some of Cuesta College’s finest musicians.

Voce, the community college’s vocal jazz ensemble, performs in a variety of styles ranging from pop and bebop to funk and Latin jazz. Since its creation in 1981, the award-winning ensemble has released two albums and toured Europe eight times.
The group is currently planning a trip to Spain and France next summer.

The Cuesta Wind Ensemble, featuring local wood and percussion musicians ages 16 and up, will perform John Phillip Sousa’s “On the Campus March” and other works. One piece, “The British Grenadiers,” features soloist Carlos Gama on euphonium.
Jennifer Martin conducts the ensemble.

Members of the Cuesta Jazz Ensembles will also play.
Cuesta’s jazz program includes two big bands -- a student group and a local professional group -- and seven small combos.

The free concert starts at 1 p.m. Sunday at the Rotary Bandstand in the Arroyo Grande Village.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of ...

Every so often, you hear about an all-but-imaginary holiday, like Eat Your Green Vegetables Month or Woodchuck Appreciation Week.

Chances are, a few employers created National Boss Day with the help of Hallmark.
Badminton and broccoli don’t deserve holidays. And I harbor some suspicions towards anything requiring large amounts of chocolate, flowers or money.

Avast, ye scurvy dogs!

I’ve finally found a holiday that suits me: Talk Like A Pirate Day.

The concept, created by John Baur and Mark Summers in 1995, is simple: Spend all day talking like a pirate. “Yes” become “aye,” “hello” becomes “ahoy” and “black-hearted blaggarts” … Well, you get the point.

At the duo’s Web site, www.talklikeapirate.com, you can purchase pirate-themed clothing, check out pictures from the first-ever PyrateCon, and browse the children’s book, “A Li’l Pirate’s ABSeas.”

(For the dedicated buccaneer, there’s also “Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall’s Guide to Pirate Parenting.” Author Tim Bete, offers advice on topics ranging from removing a large octopus from your child's hair to administering the "Flying Dutchman Wedgie.")

Today, The Tribune even posted its own Talk Like A Pirate Quiz.

Test yer knowledge o’ the high seas and learn some pirate lingo here. (I qualified as a Master Shipman, which I guess is pretty darn good.)

Forget months dedicated to dolphins, noodles and maple sugar. I be advocatin’ an entire Talk Like A Pirate Week!

-- Sarah L.

The Final Countdown

A San Diego-area band snagged the top score Saturday at the Winery Music Awards, becoming the sixth group to qualify for the finals next month.

Holiday and The Pop Adventure Collective beat out three other acts from California at Silver Horse Winery in San Miguel. Based in Encitas, the group plays a blend of country, rock, pop, R&B, experimental jazz and jam music on a variety of instruments.

The summer-long Winery Music Awards draw to a close Oct. 7, when all six finalists play at the River Oaks Hot Springs & Spa in Paso Robles.

They’ll compete for a record deal with RNB Entertainment Group of Los Angeles, a custom instrument by Dave Mason’s RKS Guitars, cash and other prizes.

Musicians were graded on their originality, skill and marketability to wine drinkers — specifically, men and women age 21 to 54.

Threes and Nines, an acoustic rock trio from the Central Coast, won the grand prize in 2005.

The other five finalists for 2007 are:
Shannon Curtis: The lead vocalist for modern rock band Paradigm, this Los Angeles singer-songwriter invites comparisons to Fiona Apple and Sarah McLachlan.




Dominic Castillo & The Rock Savants: San Luis Obispo’s own indie rock band is fronted by jazz musician Dominic Castillo, twin brother of funkster Damon Castillo.




Amber Norgaard: A folk rock musician from Tucson, Ariz., Amber’s songs touch on the human experience. She was runner-up for “Up and Coming Artist of the Year” in the Tucson Area Music Awards.








Debra Arlyn: This piano-pop musician from Portland mixes classic songwriting and contemporary arrangements. She’s been compared to Kelly Clarkson and Christina Aguilera.






Machine: Mike “Buzz” Buzzetti and Rolf Gehrung joined forces in 2004 to combine pop and modern rock sounds. The Templeton band also features drummer Trent Lockridge.





The finals take place Oct. 7 at River Oaks, 800 Clubhouse Drive in Paso Robles. Tickets are $50.
For more information, call 467-WINE (9463) or visit www.winerymusicawards.com.

Teen Review: "Death Sentence"

The same director who smeared us with blood in the “Saw” series now provides us this year with another display of carnage. “Death Sentence,” directed by James Wan (the movie is based on a novel by Brian Garfield, the author of “Death Wish”), is a pathetic attempt to show the agony of a family man with a nice suit when he’s thrust into a gang underworld.

Kevin Bacon — playing Nick, the unfortunate white-collar executive — loses it after a loved one is killed in a gang initiation ritual. After his first taste of brain-rattling revenge by way of a sloppy premeditated murder, Nick turns bloodthirsty for kids in hoodies. He not only turns wacko but seems to get more emotional every time he realizes it. Through his many desperate attempts to get back at the gang, Bacon’s character demonstrates repeatedly what a bad action scene really looks like. A friend of mine at the screening actually yawned at one of these scenes and said, “This movie’s really annoying.” He thought the ideas presented by James Wan were banal and had no impact on him whatsoever, which I thought was ironic considering the intentions a director would likely have while putting together such a storyline. I doubt that “boring” was the reaction Wan was striving for.

During certain scenes in the movie the gang-related action would cool down, and the camera would fixate on Nick having some time alone, leaving the audience literally face-to-face with an insane man — still in his nice suit — crying for minutes at a time. This, as my companion complained, quickly became irritating and annoying. This may have been an attempt to garner sympathy for this man, but while the cause of the character’s grief and instability is understandable, the way the movie shows how he deals with it through these close-up scenes is asking for ridicule.
Don’t waste your money.

— Anya Rossa-Quade

Anya Rossa-Quade, a junior at Arroyo Grande High School, loves to write and watch films with her friends.

Drink in some talent

This weekend is your last chance to catch some of music's most innovative new voices before they head to the Winery Music Awards finals in October.

On Saturday, five genre-bending groups face off at Silver Horse Winery in San Miguel. Performing at Saturday’s five-hour concert are:

- Fair Trade: This group won Sacramento’s "Battle of the Bands" in 2004, later opening for Melissa Etheridge, Live and Train. They describe their sound as a blend of rock, pop, blues and jazz.

- Vanessa Van Spall: A singer-songwriter based in San Francisco, Vanessa captures “multiple moods and styles” with everything from acoustic songs to synthesized ‘80s-influenced numbers.

- Paper Tiger: The San Francisco band draws musical inspiration from rock’s Built to Spill, Minus the Bear and Smashing Pumpkins.

- Jane Bolduc: Hailing from Los Angeles, Jane is a singer-songwriter in the tradition of Shawn Colvin, Bonnie Raitt and Sheryl Crow. Her songs span the generes of pop, rock, folk and country.

- Holiday and The Adventure Pop Collective: Two crazed front men from Encinitas churn out country, rock, pop, R&B, experimental jazz and jam music on a variety of instruments.

This month’s winner will compete Oct. 7 against five other musicians – three finalists and two “wild card” winners – for a record deal, cash, a custom guitar and other prizes.

Musicians are graded on their originality, skill and marketability to wine drinkers – specifically, men and women age 21 to 54.

Justin Hopkins, leader of the Los Angeles-based band The Guilt, won the third preliminary round in August. Judges praised the rocker's "refreshingly honest and soulful vocals and guitar playing."

Winners in June and July were Shannon Curtis, a singer-songwriter from L.A., and San Luis Obispo’s own Dominic Castillo and the Rock Savants.

The concert starts at 5 p.m. Saturday at Silver Horse Winery, 2995 Pleasant Rd. in San Miguel. Tickets are $40.

For more information, call 467-WINE (9463) or visit www.winerymusicawards.com.

Fall into fall's best music

Fall means fun on the Central Coast.

Music and theater take the stage this week as some of the region’s finest performing arts venues kick off their fall concert season.

On Thursday, the King of Rock n’ Roll returns with “Blue Suede Shoes: Elvis, the Early Years.”

San Luis Obispo Little Theatre brings its show about the life and genius of Elvis Presley to the Clark Center for the Performing Arts. It enjoyed a popular first run this spring.

Backed by a live band, the musical-and-dance extravaganza features more than 20 Elvis hits, including “Jailhouse Rock,” “Love Me Tender” and “Viva Las Vegas.” It’s directed by Bill McLaughlin and choreographed by Emmy Award winner Suzy Miller.

“Blue Suede Shoes” will run through Sept. 22 at the Clark Center, 487 Fair Oaks Ave. in Arroyo Grande. Tickets are $25 to $35.

INFO: 489-9444, www.clarkcenter.org

*****

On Friday, guitarist and songwriter Victor Martinez performs contemporary music rooted in the folk traditions of Southern Mexico.

As Martinez explains, he mingles the native Oaxaca sones – songs merging indigenous, Spanish and African music – with influences as varied as ragtime and British pop-rock.

“Victor Martinez, instead of vocal chords, has his voice muscles intertwined with the deepest roots of his Oaxaca,” wrote Julio Ramirez of the Cultural Institute of Oaxaca. “…And so the color of his voice, the flavor of the fruit, the allegories, the lullabies, flow from the heart of this public man.”

Martinez performs at 8 p.m. Friday at the Performing Arts Center, 1 Grand Ave. in San Luis Obispo. Tickets are $20.

INFO: 756-2787, www.pacslo.org

Promoting poetry

In an effort to further promote poetry on the Central Coast, former San Luis Obispo County Poet Laureate Glenna Luschei is now funding a visiting writers series at Santa Barbara City College.

Luschei, who has homes in San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara counties, is best known for her Solo Press, a literary press she has operated for 40 years. That press has produced numerous chapbooks and a series of poetry journals.

The writers series, part of the college’s new Certificate in Creative Writing, will begin this fall. The series will feature master classes conducted by professional writers.

Anyone interested in the series or the creative writing program should contact David Starkey at starkeyd@sbcc.edu or call him at 965-0581, ext. 2345.

Luschei will also present the Glenna Luschei Distinguished Poet Award to Al Young, a past state poet laureate, later this month. The $1,000 award will be presented at the Santa Barbara Book & Author Festival on Sept. 29.

Luschei, who studied at the famed Iowa Writer’s Workshop, has dedicated her life to poetry. In the past she has taught at Cal Poly, Atascadero State Hospital and the California Men’s Colony.

While Luschei has been a strong proponent of poetry on the Central Coast, she is also a poet herself. Earlier this year, Artamo Press published her book, “Libido Dreams.”

She is also currently promoting her press’s latest journal, “Solo Café 3: Central Coast Poets Say What Needs to be Said.” And the next issue, featuring the theme “A Long and Mostly Happy Life,” is in the works.

Luschei’s journals feature poems by both nationally known poets, like Ted Kooser and Robert Bly, as well as local poets, like Dian Sousa, Roy K. Johnston and Rosemary Wilvert.

— Pat P.

Springsteen/Tommy Tutone Smackdown?

For the record, I still think George Harrison got a raw deal. But now Bruce Springsteen is facing a threat of legal action – before his latest album is even out — and I’m hoping history doesn’t repeat itself.

Harrison — the quiet Beatle —was sued by the Chiffons in the ’70s for his song “My Sweet Lord.” “My Sweet Lord” was much deeper and more musically rich than the poppy crush song “He’s So Fine,” but they did share a similar structure.

A court later ruled that Harrison unintentionally copied the Chiffons and ordered him to pay royalties to the writers. (Ironically, the Chiffons later recorded a version of “My Sweet Lord.” Harrison responded with the sardonic “This Song,” which mocked getting sued.)

Now Springsteen is facing similar accusations for his new song “Radio Nowhere,” a rocking new tune featuring the E Street Band. According to a Chicago Tribune story, some have claimed Springsteen’s new song — to be released on his upcoming album “Magic” — starts out with a guitar riff similar to Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309/Jenny.” In the story, Tutone singer Tommy Heath suggests he might contact an attorney because his kids need braces.

I hope he’s joking. (About the lawsuit — not the braces. I had to have them, so why shouldn’t they?)

Granted, there is a similarity between Radio and Jenny. But I would submit that, just like “My Sweet Lord” and “He’s So Fine,” the similarities are incidental. (They’re both great songs, if you ask me.) And the songs are different enough to rule out any claims of plagiarism.

So, come on, Tommy. Don’t succumb to frivolous lawsuits. If you need the money, just do a cover of “Radio Nowhere.” Or, better yet, “My Sweet Lord.”

***




Speaking of “867-5309/Jenny,” as you could imagine, the song caused a lot of grief for people with that number. And, as it turns out, there were several, in different parts of the country.

Even though the song came out in 1982, as recently as 1999 people with the number were still getting crank calls from people asking for “Jenny.”

According to a story from Brown University’s student paper, two students, Nina Clemente and Jahanaz Mirza ,shared that number. They said they would get five “stupid messages” a day, plus numerous hang-ups.

“It’s so annoying,” Clemente said. “It’s the worst number to have in the world.”

Some of the callers even played the song for the answering machine.

Another person with the number 867-5309 put his phone number up for auction on eBay and even fetched a bid for close to $100,000. He didn’t cash in, though — Verizon stepped in and said they owned the number.

***

My original source for the Springsteen/Tutone story, by the way, was Chicago Cubs announcer Len Kasper on WGN. You don't typically get a lot of music tips from watching baseball games, but Kasper and partner Bob Brenley often share bits of info about music during their broadcasts. It's kind of fun — especially if the Cubs are winning.

— Pat P.

They didn't break a leg out there -- they died.

Whenever someone dies doing something they love — say, for example, knitting or wrestling grizzly bears — other people feel compelled to shake their heads somberly and say: “Well, he would’ve wanted to go that way.”

I know we have an inherent need to find a bright side to premature deaths. But when someone says something like that, I want to say, “Actually, I don’t think he wanted to go that way. In fact, I’m pretty sure he would've prefered to die in a bed — like 50 years from now.”

But of course, I don’t usually say that. In fact, I probably just agree he would’ve wanted to go that way because, you know, that’s just what you do in those situations.

Still, the irony of dying while doing something you really love kind of fascinates me. (Not that I’m weird but -- okay, maybe a little.) Periodically, I’ll do some background research* for a story on a local band, and I’ll read about some musician who died while performing.

It seems sort of bizarre, but it has actually happened several times.

In some cases, famous performers have keeled over and died right onstage. In other cases, they suffered major illnesses that eventually led to their demise.

For those of you wasting time on the Internet, here are a few examples:

-- Tiny Tim. The odd ukulele player was singing his signature song — “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” — at a benefit for the Women’s Club of Minneapolis in 1996 when he suffered a heart attack. When asked if he was OK, he cried out, “No, I’m not!” At 64, those were his final words.

-- Jackie Wilson. The man who brought us “Reete Petit” and “(Your Love is Lifting Me) Higher and Higher” was performing at a Dick Clark show in Cherry Hill, N.J., on Sept. 25, 1975, when he suffered a massive heart attack while singing one of his signature hits, “Lonely Teardrops.” During the attack, he fell and hit his head, knocking him into a coma. He lay in a vegetative state for eight years (Elvis Presley and the Spinners reportedly paid his hospital bills.) before he died at the age of 49.

-- Tammi Terrell. Known for her duets with Marvin Gaye, Terrell actually collapsed in Gaye’s arms just after singing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”at a college in central Virginia. Diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in October of 1967, her health continued to deteriorate after that show. In March of 1970, she died at age 24.

-- Spade Cooley. Cooley was a swing performer who also appeared in numerous Westerns, often as a stand-in for Roy Rogers. He eventually suspected Rogers was having an affair with his wife, whom he murdered in a jealous rage as the couple’s teenage daughter watched in horror. While serving a prison term for murder, he was given a temporary release in 1961 to play a benefit concert for the Deputy Sheriffs’ Association of Alameda County in Oakland. Minutes after the show, he suffered a fatal heart attack backstage.

-- Mark Sandman. The man who fronted and founded the alternative band Morphine was performing at a festival near Rome in July 1999 when he collapsed onstage of a heart attack. Sandman, who had no known health problems, was pronounced dead in an ambulance, en route to a hospital.

-- Curtis Mayfield. One of the fathers of funk — the architect of Chicago soul — was performing in Brooklyn in 1990 when a heavy gust of wind knocked over a lighting rig, which landed on him. Mayfield, who was paralyzed from the neck down, suffered health problems the rest of his life, and it is believed that his injury contributed to his death in 1999. The founder of The Impressions was 57.


* Actual work — not just “wasting time on the Internet,” as some have suggested.

— Pat P.

Movies that make you think

Another month, another slew of socially progressive movies from HopeDance Magazine.
This September, HopeDance FiLMs focuses on subjects like crop circles, hallucinogens and Mexican factory workers. Central Coast cinephiles can expect movies with a conscience and a message.
The monthly film series starts Friday with “Hacking Democracy,” a documentary about vote-tampering and the flawed vote-counting machines used in the American electoral process.
The film will be shown at sunset in the parking lot of Utopia Bakery, 2900 Broad St. in San Luis Obispo. Bring a chair and warm clothes and blankets.
Donations are encouraged.

The following is a brief rundown of this month’s HopeDance FiLMs:

Sept. 10
“Zeitgeist: Beyond 9/11”
A humorous look at God, money and the truth behind the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. 7 p.m. San Luis Obispo City-County Library, 995 Palm St., San Luis Obispo. $5 suggested donation.

Sept. 14
“The 11th Hour”
Leonardo DiCaprio narrates this documentary about the state of the global environment, and practical solutions for restoring our planet’s ecosystems. This HopeDance fundraiser includes a raffle. 7 p.m. Palm Theatre, 817 Palm St., SLO. $10.

Sept. 17
“Star Dreams”
A look at the art and mystery of crop circles. 7 p.m. SLO Library. $10.

Sept. 21
“Peace One Day”
Peace activist Jeremy Gilley works with the United Nations, world and religious leaders and ordinary citizens to declare a global Day of Peace. Sunset. Utopia Bakery. Donation suggested.

Sept. 22
“Maquilapolis”
Works struggle for survival in the massive sweatshops just across the Mexican border known as maquiladoras, often owned by the world’s largest corporations. 7 p.m. Steynberg Gallery, 1531 Monterey St., SLO. Free.

Sept. 28
“Entheogen: Awakening the Divine Within”
Documentary director Rod Mann will be on hand to speak about hallucinogens and the modern world. 7 p.m. SLO Library. $10.

For more information, visit HopeDance's Web site.

-- Sarah L.