Teen Review: "Resident Evil: Extinction"

Many viewers will be disappointed by the film “Resident Evil: Extinction,” whether they’re loyal followers of the “Resident Evil” movies and games, or just garden-variety zombie lovers. But star Milla Jovovich masks the movie’s flaws and blinds the audience to seeing the fake gore or noticing the lack of a relationship to the games.

Using “Matrix”-style moves and fancy footwork, a team of survivors fight their way through zombies whose makeup resembles beef jerky. With hopes of safety in the isolation of Alaska, a few tough women and several men shelter the few survivors they’ve come across. In the wasteland of the dying Earth, the team battles their way through loads of zombies, and even when Jovovich slaughters more than 20 of them, she is left with not one drop of blood on her white shirt.

I could carp over the unrealistic details like the unappealing gore, but I won’t. I could easily tell the plot was intended to be suspenseful and interesting, but it was hard to catch the exuberance of it. I actually heard a few exclamations around me like, “Is this it?” or “When do we find out what’s going on?” Overall, it was difficult to get caught up in the storyline.

Though the movie definitely had its flaws, it was hard not to say “Whoa!” a few times when Jovovich kicks butt. I’m sure some would and could argue that this film wasn’t as great as the others in the series, but I’m not sure I think so. The movie, I could argue, was the best of them all (dominant female characters, powerful protagonist, etc.). And though I think it was, it was a poor representation of the best. For a “Resident Evil” gamer, “Extinction” probably wouldn’t fit the qualities of an amazing video game either, but it might catch the eye of a student of martial arts.

— Anya Rossa-Quade

Anya Rossa-Quade, a junior at Arroyo Grande High School, loves to write and watch films with her friends.

Cal Poly gets Weird (Al)

So I don’t have to tell you that Weird Al Yankovic graduated from Cal Poly, right?

Because I’m pretty sure we’ve noted that little tidbit in the Tribune roughly, oh, let’s say 963 times.

Maybe even 964.

He was a DJ at KCPR, recorded “My Bologna” in the bathroom, The Dr. Demento Show, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know, for crying out loud.

But clearly the love affair between San Luis Obispo and Weird Al goes both ways, as evidenced by Al’s 2 ½-hour show At Cal Poly Tuesday night.

A couple of things surprised me about this show: First of all, the variety of ages in the audience. Apparently, Al appeals to both middle schoolers and middle agers. Secondly, I’m a little shocked by how out of it I appear to be.

I was proud of myself for recognizing parodies of James Blunt, Avril Lavigne and Eminem. But when he performed several songs that left me clueless, I found myself thinking: “When is he gonna do ‘Eat It?’”

Fortunately, he did do ‘Eat it.” And there were parodies of Nirvana, The Presidents of the United States of America, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day and, of course, Coolio that I recognized. And some of the ones I didn't recognize, well, I'll just assume they were some of Al's originals.

He also performed some newer material, like “White & Nerdy,” which parodies the song “Ridin” by Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone (And, yes, I had to look that up.)

It’s ironic that Weird Al remains relevant and popular while many of the artists he poked fun of are now long gone.

Anyone know what the Crash Test Dummies have been up to the past 15 years?

Given that Weird Al’s success is so tied to video, a mere show of him performing live wouldn’t suffice. So Al cleverly combines video with his act. While he and his band change outfits -- and that's a crucial part of his act -- you’ll see fake celebrity interviews from his “Al TV” show, clips of TV shows, like “The Simpsons,” which mention him or feature him as a guest and other stuff that’s just . . . weird.

But funny.

His video for “Weasel Stomping Day” was a hoot.

Al’s longtime band rocked. And while Al himself is far from being a great singer, there were times when he hit a falsetto or belted out a good scream that made you think: “Well, he’s got something there.” And, of course, he plays a mean accordion.

But clearly Weird Al’s gift is his humor, which mocks those (i.e., Kevin Federline)who take themselves too seriously.

A few quick things to point out:

* Yes, that was a straight-up cover of Elvis Costello’s “Radio Radio.” I’m not sure why he does that, but he often performs it. And, I have to say, it’s a pretty faithful cover, with Al doing a credible vocal impression.

* And about the “Atlantic Records Sucks” shirt that Al revealed during “You’re Pitiful”: Al had garnered permission from James Blunt to parody his song “You’re Beautiful,” but then Blunt’s label, Atlantic, didn’t approve. Avoiding a legal battle, Al chose not to include the song on his album. But he does perform it live, offering his opinion of Atlantic in the process.

* The PAC is a pretty great place to see a show. I love the space between rows of seats. Plus, the acoustics are good, and the lights nicely complimented Al's energetic performance. And, of course, there's not a bad seat in the house.


--Pat P.

Bruce, vampires and a phantom

I’ve seen the future of rock ’n’ roll, and his name is Bruce Springsteen.

OK, so maybe that line has been used already. But when rock critic Jon Landau wrote that in the ’70s, Springsteen hired him to become his producer. So I figure maybe, you know ...

Bruce? Call me?

OK, so maybe Bruce is no longer the future of rock ’n’ roll. But he’s for sure a big part of its past. And he’s not washed up, as is proven by his latest effort, “Magic.”

Having previewed it online, I bought it the first day, which is at least partial payback, I figure, for that “Tunnel of Love” album I copied last year. Or the “Born in the U.S.A.” album before that (though, in my defense, I did pay for the cassette back in the ’80s).

This album, of course, marks the return of the E Street Band, and it shows with the twinkling piano keys, Clarence Clemons’ unmistakable sax and Steven Van Zandt’s yelping backing vocals.

I was surprised that some of the songs sound a lot like ’60s pop hits, but they’re still catchy. And Springsteen’s lyrics are typically profound. Some critics noted that this album wasn’t as political as past efforts, but that’s not really true. It’s just that Springsteen is so subtle, you often overlook the message.

Anyway, I recommend it. And while you’re at it, go ahead and buy Phil Collins’ “No Jacket Required.” Because rumor has it that someone recently copied that one as well.

***

At one time, I thought I might also recommend “The Historian,” a novel by Elizabeth Kostova, but now I’m not so sure. The fact that the book took me — and I’m almost embarrassed to admit this — MONTHS to read probably suggests it was a little slow.

The book came out with much hype, mostly because Kostova was awarded a fat $2 million advance — virtually unheard of for a first-time writer. And it was often reported that it took her 10 years to write the book, which is a literary Dracula tale.


But it’s so long, at times I felt like it might take me 10 years to read it. And the writer had this bad habit of introducing a character on, say, page 300, then re-introducing that character again on page 600, without reminding us who that character was. It was so frustrating, at times I wanted to put a wooden stake through the book.

As fate would have it, I’m out of wooden stakes.

Anyway, let’s hope they iron out such problems when the movie comes out. Of course, it could be a while. The screenplay writer is just now wrapping up his adaptation. And, according to IMDB.com, its release date has been set for 2010.

***

Hey, so there’s nothing local about this blog entry, is that what you’re saying?

You want more local stuff?

Well, how about this weekend’s Open Studios Tour? In Saturday’s paper, we will spotlight three of the 283 artists participating in this year’s tour, which is the major fundraiser for Arts Obispo.


And as long as I’m promoting our stories, check out Thursday’s Ticket, when we preview the “Phantom of the Opera” silent film screening at the PAC. The screening, a fundraiser for the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival, will feature organist Bob Mitchell, who turns 95 this week.


— Pat P.

Tongues on Ice

I have to admit, I was a little reluctant when a friend of mine asked if I wanted to meet his college roommate, who was visiting from the East Coast.

“I don’t know,” I said, feeling especially antisocial on this day. “I think I’ve met all the people I need to meet in life.”

But my wife and I managed to drag ourselves out of the house and meet the guy, which turned out to be a good thing. Because, it turns out, he’s a bit of a blabber mouth, who revealed some secrets about my friend, whom I’ll call “Dan” since, well — that’s kind of his name.

Needless to say, Dan was a little red-faced during these revelations, especially when his ex-roomie told us about the time Dan got his tongue stuck in the freezer.

It’s true. The roommate had heard Dan yelling, but Dan’s speech sounded a little weird. When he ran into the kitchen, he realized why:
Dan didn’t have full use of his tongue.

Everyone’s seen that scene from the movie “A Christmas Story,” of course. You know, where the kid gets his tongue stuck on a frozen pole? I guess Dan — who, I should point out, was in college at the time — doubted the physics of the scene. So he conducted a little experiment.

Fortunately, his roomie was there to thaw him out — although his tongue was left a little bloody. And, of course, there’s the whole wounded pride thing.

I mention this not to out my friend Dan — although, frankly, why not — but to mention the cult and classic film series at the Fremont.

“A Christmas Story” — a staple of Holiday viewing — has already been announced for December. And now The Movie Experience, which operates the Fremont, has just announced a new slate of classic films that will be shown. The “Great Musicals and Spectacles” series will feature such dance-friendly films as “Singin’ in the Rain,” “The Sound of Music” and West Side Story.” Some of those will be weaved in between the already existing cult series, which includes “A Christmas Story.”

Here’s a list of all the classic and cult movies coming to the Fremont. And remember: Stunts performed on film are conducted by professional stunt men and women. Do not apply your tongue to frozen stuff.


* “The Exorcist,” Tuesday
* “Singin in the Rain,” Oct. 16
* “The Goonies,” Nov. 6
* “Fight Club,” Dec. 4
* “The Sound of Music,” Nov. 13
* “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World,” Dec. 11
* “A Christmas Story,” Dec. 18
* “West Side Story,” Jan. 15
* “Grease,” Feb. 12
* “Doctor Zhivago,” March 11
* “Ben Hur,” April 8
* “Lawrence of Arabia,” May 6


--Pat P.

Rock and roll, baby

As we reported in today’s story on the Winery Music Awards, the guys from Machine don’t have visions of rock stardom.

But that’s not to say they never did.

Lead singer Rolf “Machine” Gehrung pursued a music career vigorously when he played with an L.A. band during the 90s.

Gehrung, who has had songs played on TV shows like “Dawson’s Creek” and “Diagnosis Murder,” was in an up-and-coming band called Mission Delores. At one point, the band played an event put on by the Album Network in Lewiston, Idaho. The Album Network, Gehrung said, was a vehicle labels used to get songs in distribution.

“So we got to Lewiston, and it’s 4 in the afternoon, and there are people waiting there for us -- photographers and everything,” Gehrung said. “And they assigned some weird bodyguard to us. . . We tried to ditch the guy, but he kept reappearing.”

Fortunately, they didn’t ditch the guard – which might have saved their lives.

Sometime during the night, a woman in the crowd asked Gehrung to sign one of her breasts. And when that woman went home, the autograph didn’t sit well with her husband.

"Later on the husband came with a gun,” Gehrung said.

Now that’s rock and roll. Luckily, the bodyguard helped defuse the situation.

Gehrung, who works in sales, eventually cooled on his rock dreams, though he was still committed to playing music. When he became engaged several years ago, he even warned his future wife: “You know I’m gonna rock all my life – it’s my softball league.”

At 39, Gehrung is older than most of the performers at this year’s WMA’s. But band mate Mike “Buzz” Buzzetti (pictured above) is older. While he’s still younger than, say, Mick Jagger, he is nearly two decades older than his drummer, 28-year-old Trent Lochridge.

During the band’s previous WMA performance, one of the judges noted Buzzetti’s seniority.

“Love the older guy in there,” quipped judge Diane Steinberg-Lewis. “Crossing the demographic. Love it!”

Buzzetti, who founded Nanometer Technologies, which makes fiber optic polishers in Paso Robles, laughed about the comment.

Like Gehrung, the 47-year-old once hit the music scene hard. But eventually his business took priority.

“I didn’t really play music for 15 years,” he said, “and then this (the business) came along, and then I retired and went, ‘I want to play music again.’”

Machine, which is sponsored by Jagermeister, hopes to get songs placed in movies and television. Gehrung, who still gets royalties from previous songs used on TV, is the driving force behind that goal.

“I’m the motivated one,” Gehrung said. “So I’m the one that’s out getting us sponsorships and stuff. Buzz is the sugar daddy. And Trent kind of sits back quietly, and one day he’s going to go crazy and kill both of us.”

***



While Machine pursues TV work, Dominic Castillo and the Rock Savants is looking to relocate to Portland, where the music scene is a little larger.

The band will still retain the San Luis Obispo studio it shares with the Damon Castillo Band, though, so they won’t be gone for good.

“I think we’ll always be a band with two cities,” he said.

It’s difficult to mention Dominic Castillo without also mentioning his identical twin Damon, who, like Dominic, is a fixture of the local music scene. Dominic is the indie guy, Damon the R&B guy. Both are graduates of Berklee College of Music, and both are often mentioned when people around here discuss local acts that could hit it big.

Being twins who play music, though, often leads to confusion – especially when Damon’s band JND changed its name to The Damon Castillo Band. Dominic’s pending move to Portland will help the brothers better distinguish themselves. Meanwhile, both are working on new albums.

“We’ve been slaving away at this album for months now,” Dominic said.

It doesn’t have a title yet, but he thinks it will contain some of his best work to date. You can hear some of his band’s work, plus watch some of their videos, on the DCRS web site.

His band includes Jonathan Barker on guitar, Nate Szytel on drums and newcomer Kelly Ann Mesigat on vocals, keyboards and guitar.

Adding Masigat to the mix, he said, gives the band more dimensions.

“We have all these options now,” he said. “Not just with background vocals, but, okay, what voice should be saying these lyrics?”

Dominic also has a side project with Mesigat called Giantess, which features more coffee house-style acoustic music.

Dominic, always a supportive twin, is also excited about his brother’s next project, which will include a song he wrote.

“I’m blown away by it,” he said. “I’m really excited about his album.”



--Pat P.

Memorabilia are forever

You might say Alan Stephenson is a man on a mission.
Unlike movie icon James Bond, Stephenson’s quest has nothing to do with thwarting the Russians or keeping diamonds from falling into the wrong hands.
This Arroyo Grande man pursues everything connected to Agent 2007.
As today’s Tribune story explains, he’s been collecting James Bond memorabilia since childhood. It’s a rocky pursuit.
“There is that sinking feeling when you lose the eBay auction, but I have to keep reminding myself, ‘It’s OK. They’re going to surface again,’ ” Stephenson said.
Stephenson takes himself a little less seriously than some Bond collectors.
He jokes about ad campaigns in the 1960s that tried to convince customers, “Wear this cologne and you will be James Bond. You’ll have the power to (get) women.”
The same line of reasoning continues today with collectible poker chips, lighters and replica guns listed for thousands of dollars, he says.
“It really annoys me to hear, ‘I’m living the James Bond lifestyle. I bought the $7,000 watch and the $10,000 tuxedo,’ ” Stephenson says. “You’re not living the James Bond lifestyle. You just bought a bunch of expensive crap.”
Stephenson’s own collection is more playful.
Over the decades, the collector has amassed a James Bond-themed bathrobe, a 007 slot machine, wallpaper, neckties, martini shakers and scores of movie props — as well as the usual toy cars and dolls.

Among his treasures:
• Black leather chair used by the villain Stromberg in “The Spy Who Loved Me”
• Red “missile control operator” uniform from “The Spy Who Loved Me”
• Yellow jumpsuit worn by Martin Grace — James Bond’s stunt double in “Moonraker”
• James Bond slot-car set, featuring a mountain track similar to the Alps scenes in “Goldfinger”
• Odd Job “action puppet,” from “Goldfinger” — complete with bowler hat
• Submarine model set from “The Spy Who Loved Me”
• Souvenir license plates: “007 FAN” and “EVL DOER”
• Russian nesting dolls depicting four actors who have played Bond: Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan
• Rubbing taken from the grave of English author Ian Fleming, creator of James Bond

Stephenson uses the slogan “The Poor Man’s James Bond” for his design business, Klaus Ink. Collectors and fellow Bond fans can reach him at poormansjb@sbcglobal.net.

****

Here’s a fun game:
Always wondered about your secret agent identity? Visit Sideshow Collectibles’ Web site to find out your “agent name.”
Just click here.

It's all been done (band names included)

The Barenaked Ladies have a pretty cool song called “It’s All Been Done,” and I have to agree with its premise. After all, nothing is original. Chord progressions, book plots, movie characters — you name it, it’s been done.

And I guess that goes for the band names I came up with during my last blog entry. Here I thought I’d come up with these great monikers, only to discover that, well, I guess I’m not the only genius here. As it turns out, with a gazillion people in the world, it really is hard to come up with a unique idea.

I’m sticking with my advice, though — idioms, clichés and song titles make for great names. Not necessarily original ones. But good ones.

Here’s what I discovered after researching the names from my Top Ten Band Names That Don’t Suck:

1.) Mobb Rule. This was my great hip-hop name. But it turns out there are lots of variations of this, the most popular being a mullet-wearing German metal band that has opened for the Scorpions and Dio. The band recently crossed the Atlantic and toured the U.S. for the first time.

2.) Occam’s Razor. Well, I thought there might be some geeks out there who would have considered this philosophical band name. But I was disappointed to hear a really, really bad thrash metal band from Troy, Ohio, had the same idea. Demonic screaming? Not my thing.

3.) Goofy Foot. Since it’s a surfer term, I figured it was great for a surf band. So what is a folk rock band from landlocked Missouri doing with it?

4.) Pillow Talk. The most interesting band with this name describes itself as an a cappella/Christian/death metal band that started out playing jazz versions of film and rock songs. Interestingly, they have four drummers and three bassists.

5.) Chin Music. It’s a U.K. rock band with a song called “Circle the Drain.” (See No. 9).

6.) Alter Ego. Well, I guess we all want to take on another personality. Because there are tons of Alter Egos around the world. Features writer Sarah Linn suggested Alter Eagle for a band name, which pretty much trumped my entire list in one swoop.

7.) Big Fish. Unbeknownst to me, there’s a rather popular ska band called The Reel Big Fish, which originates from Orange County. (That's their photo at the top.) Previously signed by Jive Records, their MySpace page had close to 7 million hits.

8.) General Malaise. Now here’s one I figured no one would have thought of. But some band from Tempe, Ariz., actually reeled it in first. They even one-upped me, calling themselves General Malaise and the Major Disappointments, which is pretty good, really. The singer had a gravelly Tom Waits-type voice, which wasn’t too bad. But they only had 36 profile views on MySpace and no gigs listed. So if you want this one, I think it’s yours.

9.) Circle the Drain. I can see why this Tampa, Fla., band used to be called Animosity. They are currently seeking a new lead singer, having lost the last two — one over “creative differences” and the other over “personal challenges.” So while the band name is taken, you can still be in Circle the Drain if you can sing, are a passive person and are willing to relocate.

10.) Lindbergh Babies. Good news — Lindbergh Babies is alive and well! True, some guys from the U.K. did have the same idea I did. But these power chord rockers disbanded, and the bandleader changed the name of his next project – foolishly, if you ask me — to Concrete Dogs.

By the way, Sarah also trumped me on this one, suggesting Little It — a nickname given to the Lindbergh baby – as a band name.

I checked, and Little It is available, though I might suggest a more rapper-like Lil’ It.


— Pat P.